Depressible Me

They say people tend to write diaries and the such when they are in a bad mood, feeling low or depressed. How true that is.

It's been a year and counting to two soon since my last post about new year resolutions in 2010. How these 2 years have passed and the more depressed I get.

My counsellor advised me to continue writing out my feelings as it would help in alleviating my condition. Is that true? Yes, writing it out gives me a chance and a medium to express my emotions, an opportunity that is found wanting in my life now. I no longer talk to my friends about how I feel and about the emotional turbulence I go through. I feel that they have enough of their own to go by, or if not, most of them do not provide valuable advice that I can rely on.

Maybe if I'm still alive and I happen to read through my blogposts one day, will all these negative emotions come back to flood me away into the pulling sea of depression?

I write today, because I feel that I have been suppressed. Suppressed by the woman I think I love and should love for the rest of my life. Why do i have to return home everyday to someone who expresses her discontent and anger on me? Is this home at all? Is this love at all?

I have been enduring her tantrums for the past 4 days. I flared up today and said she was a 'niao ren'. Tame in the vocabulary of obscenities, but effective in its own glory.

Maybe one day, when all the stars align, the tables will turn and the tides will change. I will, however, show more humanity than she has shown to me.

Buddha, bless me. Amitabha.